- So, sadly there's no new episode of Parenthood tonight and I think that a personal post is long overdue.. so I thought might as well get right to it. I've had a crazy couple of months when I take the time to sit back and recollect my thoughts on the past few months. Actually make that the past year. I still can't fathom how fast 2012 has flown by. I feel like I experience this every year, but honestly with year I think that it's been the fastest. I look back on how quickly each month flew by and all of the transitions that I've made in only a year.
Starting with graduating from college in December 2011 and moving back home to living with my parents, that was a big one. In my life I've always had my paths sort of set in front of me. It was always, get good grades and aim for the best and then when you're there, start that process over again for the next big thing. I have lived and breathed this cycle since elementary school and finally at the end of 2011, I truly came to the end of the ongoing cycle. I graduated from one of the best schools in California with honors, and 2 quarters early at that. You think you'd feel very accomplished right? I don't think I've ever felt more lost or confused than I did when I moved back home; right around the same time we rang in the new year.
I spent the first chunk of the new year job searching and really figuring out what I should do with my life. My initial go-to was comparing myself to everyone around me; what kinds of jobs do they have? how much should I be making? what kind of job looks "legit" or "prestigious"? That tends to always be the biggest mistake of mine. I'm ALWAYS comparing myself to others and wanting what I don't have. It's led to a lot of realizations over the years, and most importantly the lesson that I'm living my own life, no one else's... so might as well make this the best possible life for myself.
After 5 months of interviewing, stressing, and searching.. (oh, and include a spontaneous family trip to Europe in between all that!), I finally landed the right job; the perfect job in my eyes. I began working as a recruiter at a third party agency at a company really close to my house. I honestly think this was the best first job that anyone could have had. I was new to the corporate world and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, career-wise. This job gave me the opportunity to really gain a sense of all the different industries that are out there. I was able to work with some of the biggest names in Silicon Valley, as well as truly grow as a person. I look back and one of the biggest things I am thankful for is that I grew so much in shedding a lot of insecurities that I had and grew in my professionalism and confidence. A lot of fears I once had totally disappeared and were replaced with so much knowledge and maturity. Plus on top of all that, I was able to work with some of the best people that I have yet to meet. Our office was small so we literally became a family.
Flash forward 4 months in and we are here. Long story short, but as always, life is unpredictable my friends. And sometimes you don't know how good something was until it's gone.. or until it changes dramatically. Unfortunately, my work life took a huge turn and was overtaken by new management. The company did a complete 180 and we honestly couldn't even recognize it as what it once was. People left, new people came, and the culture shifted very significantly. As of right now, that door of my life has closed and I look at it now through the eyes of someone who isn't that little girl who is fearful about what is to come. Instead, I look at this like a blessing in disguise.
All of my life, I've had so many passions but yet to go after them. I sell myself short, think I don't deserve the things that I want, or that they're too hard to obtain. I realize how that the constraints I've put on myself are the only things that are stopping me. Even starting this blog and being regular about it was truly a tough feat. But I finally realized, if this is my true passion, start! You have nothing to lose. I see the blessing in disguise, because my last month at my job I kept wishing and hoping for a new opportunity to present itself. In a way, my time there was done. It was such a great experience to start off with, and I am going to take the lessons I've learned with me throughout the rest of my career -- but it was almost as if God was also agreeing with me and saying, yes the time has come to move onto something bigger and better.
So right now, even though I feel like I'm back at square one and back to where I was exactly at the start of 2012, I realize I'm not there at all. In fact, I've progressed so many steps forward. In maturity, in wisdom, in confidence, and in faith. The verse I have posted above is the verse that I'm leaning on and truly walking out in this next stage of my life. I want to be the woman who can truly laugh in confidence & in hope that there is absolutely no fear of the future; but only good things ahead.
If it's writing & blogging that I love, then I won't cease to write until I land something. If it's event planning, if it's recruiting, if it's in the corporate world, or even starting my own business venture -- nothing is too out there as long as I myself believe in it.
And that's been the biggest transition of all -- shifting from all of the personal doubt to believing in myself moreso than I ever have before. Looks like a new chapter has literally been added in to my life at this point. And it's my job to choose how it's going to be written.